Sanity (Well What's Left of It)!

My mind is all a jumbled mess right now. Call it pregnancy brain, call it holiday brain, call it-overwhelmed-oh-my-goodness-I'm-bringing-a-baby-into-the-world-brain. While I am out and about I think of great things to write about to up date y'all on everything going on, but get me in front of the computer and BAM I sit and sit and stare at the screen until I close the computer down. It's crazy.

I am so overwhelmed with everything that has to be done that I find myself shutting down and getting very little accomplished OR I tackle a great big task but it isn't all that important in the bringing baby home department. Now don't get me wrong, I know I have 4 more months until Baby J arrives, but throw in Christmas and then shortly after the third trimester (and the uncomfortableness that comes with it) and I start to feel like my time to REALLY get big things done is dwindling.

For instance, guess what I spent A WHOLE DAY doing this past week? I reorganized J and my closet. I mean it looks damn good. We have built-ins and everything was taken off of them, the shelves wiped down and then things organized back on the shelves. Everything was taken off the floor (boots, bags, etc) and I vacuumed, wiped down baseboards. I mean J was so happy to see all the hard work that I had accomplished BUT this is no way helps me reorganize our TWO guest rooms to get Baby J's room ready.

We have a 3 bedroom house. As of right now we have one guest room with a bed and bedroom furniture. The other extra room has a desk and has turned into the biggest storage room/closet you could imagine. When we moved in, if we were unsure where it was going, it ended up in there. That room is the biggest mess you can imagine. The door just stays shut. Well of course the office/junk room is what we want to change into the nursery. It is the larger of the two rooms and the window in the room faces our back yard (the guest room window faces the street).

So what I have to do BEFORE anything else is finish cleaning out the front/guest room. We are moving the desk from the back room to the guest room so the nursery is dedicated to baby. I have to find new homes for all the stuff that is in the future nursery either by donating or stuffing it into the closet in the guest bedroom OR if it can withstand the south Louisiana heat, put it in the attic.

My biggest problem to all of this is that J cannot throw things away. I can. I may regret things later, but J cannot let go of things. I have a large storage container full of fraternity t-shirts and concert t-shirts that he can't donate or throw away. To my utter disbelief he even mentioned, "Well what if Baby J joins my fraternity, he could wear these t-shirts." After I picked myself and jaw off the floor and gave him the most incredible look ever, I asked J, "Well don't you think that he will get his OWN t-shirts from the fraternity? What if he chooses a different one or 18 years from now your ratty t-shirts do not interest your son?" What?!?!?! Y'all seriously, some of these t-shirts are so worn that there is no way they will make it in our attic for the next 18 years. I just decided that I needed to pick my battles and this was not one that was worth it. He agreed they would go in the attic so I won't have to worry about them cluttering up a closet.

I am also trying to get J to throw out this framed print of ducks (J is a big duck hunter so we have a lot of duck stuff which thankfully most has made its way to his office NOT our house). It is a beautiful print, really it is. It was MY GRANDFATHER'S! I would have no problems hanging it somewhere in our guest room except for the fact that it has mold on it. My poor grandfather in the latter years of his life, just let his really old house fall apart (it was my great-grandmother's house). When we got in to clean, there had been some serious water damage from the roof that he had tried to make better by just putting pots in the attic to catch the water - it didn't work out too well. So back to the print it is just a mess. Mold on the frame (we could reframe it), mold on the matting (could be rematted), BUT there is mold on the print. Seriously I suffer from asthma/allergies and I don't need that in my house, and I don't want it around the baby. This will be a battle I pick to fight. J wants to take the print to see if it can be saved, but of course the print is still sitting in my front/guest bedroom. I will give him an ultimatum. It will be in the garbage by next week if you don't get it looked at AND then if you do I will only spend so much money if it can be saved. UUUGGGHHHH!!!!!

Y'all and that's only the beginning!

So after the rooms are cleaned out and organized we have to repaint and repair some of the walls in the nursery. The people we bought the house from (a doctor and lawyer) were the freakin' stingiest people you could imagine. They took all the towel hangers, door stops, etc with them. They also had put in those shelves that you attach to the wall that you could find at Pottery Barn, but took them when they left. Not a problem except for the fact that those shelves have pretty extensive hanging equipment. They did the crappiest job repairing then repainting. The colors throughout our house are so taupe it is almost nauseating. So we (J and his father) need to repair the sheetrock and then we (the rest of the family) will paint the nurery whatever color we (me, MIL, and mom) pick-out.

Once that is done we will have to set up all the furniture. I have picked out a crib and 5-drawer dresser. I want to go look at it again to see how the crib transforms (into toddler bed) because of that crib recall. I know the crib is not one of the brands in the recall, but it made me really uneasy seeing how the side dropped down like they did. We chose the 5 drawer dresser opposed to the lower dresser/changing table because there is more storage and it is something that Baby J will be able to use as he grows up. We will get a separate piece of furniture that is just a changing table with more of open storage for everything underneath it. We will also pick-out a glider. I am more of a glider person, J is more of a rocker person. We are getting a glider. The only other thing we might use is a beautiful cypress armoire that was my great-grandmother's. My grandfather in his wonderful decorating sense painted the beautiful wood white. If it fits into the room, we will either try to antique the white paint or repaint it a different color to match whatever else we pick out! Oh I almost forgot, the finish on the furniture that we are getting is CHERRY! We originally thought antique white, but J was really struggling with the masculinity of it (again it was not worth the fight ;)

I will post pictures of everything hopefully SOON!!!

Right now I need to head off and buy a new Christmas Tree stand since we keep getting bigger and bigger trees each year. Our old stand was for a tree 7' or under. Now we have been buying trees that are much larger, more along the 9' range. So we now have to kinda to reshift our focus to putting up Christmas decorations and getting the house in Christmas mode - take a deep breath, deep breathe, in, out...

It will all get done. Hopefully with a shred of my sanity.

Thanksgiving and Things I am Thankful For

This post is actually early for the Thanksgiving holiday, but I have been thinking long and hard about everything in my life that I am thankful for.


Back on May 25, 2009, I wrote a post titled "To Be Thankful". I was in such a bad place and I had to refocus and recenter myself. I had to remind myself about all that was good in my life, and to stop focusing on all the bad and struggles that I had been going through.

I know that this list is still very similar to the one I wrote 6 months ago, but there are things that I am thankful for that you may not realize.

I am thankful for...

• My wonderful sweet husband, J. As I was showing him the beginnings of Baby J's baby book last night, J was just staring at me. I had to ask if there was something on my face because he wouldn't stop!!! Finally he said that he couldn't believe that he was actually married to me and that we were going to have a baby soon. It was the most loving, sweet thing ever. I have a husband who loves me more than I ever thought I would find. I LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART!!
• My blog - y'all have supported me when I was at my lowest. When I struggled to piece together all that was going on, I was able to share my inner-most thoughts and fears. Stuff that people in my real life didn't know. Then when we were on the receiving end of our BFP and our good news, y'all still offered well wishes and good thoughts even though you may have been struggling with IF and conceiving. You have no idea how much that meant to me and J. Thank you for sharing in our journey! I know I have faltered in posting comments and blogging, but I do read your stories and I AM STILL HERE!!!
• Oscar - I know I talk about him as our child, but this big lovable dog has been here for me to help dry up the tears and put that smile back on my face! He still greets me with the full body shake and wiggle, never failing to put a smile on my face! Oscar is my little shadow. He follows me everywhere! I go to the bathroom and there is Oscar sitting right in front of me. Gotta love it! Oscar is going to be the best big brother to Baby J - I can't wait!!!
• Our Family and Friends - they are just amazing!!! I am so fortunate that our families are as wonderful as they are! There support has been phenomenal throughout all of this!
• Our Journey - yes, you read this correctly! As much as I loathed and despised all of that we have been through. J and I are so much stronger as individuals and as a couple. We have been through more in our relationship than most of our friends have. J has had to deal with the emotional rollercoaster that I was on and deal with his emotions with my ruptured ectopic while also dealing with the physical issues. I have had my husband help give me a sponge bath. He had to help clean up the bloody mess that happens when you get out of the bed the first time after a ruptured ectopic surgery. We had to go through the recovery of having a c-section without having a baby. We weren't prepared for the surgery or the recovery. We learned so much about each other. I know how J will handle an emergency and how he will be the calm throughout the mess and chaos. This hasn't been easy and I am so thankful we have learned so much about each other.
• Our son - we are so thankful that we have this bundle of joy on the way. I know we still have a long road ahead of us, we are only half way there, but we couldn't be more thankful and in love with this little guy. No matter how this all turns out he will forever be a part of our lives!! If somehow our first pregnancy had worked out, we would not be anxiously awaiting Baby J. Yes, there would be a baby here with us (my goodness a 3 month old), but this baby that I am now carrying and loving would not. Bittersweet. I will forever remember our first baby and our journey to pregnancy #2. I want to dedicate a whole post that dives deeper into my feeling regarding this BUT that will be written another day!!

I hope that y'all are able to remember all that you are thankful for this holiday season! I know it is hard especially when you are trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel, BUT YOU ARE WONDERFUL, AMAZING PEOPLE!!

I hope you and your family have a very Happy Thanksgiving!

My First "Talk"

When Baby J (not 100% sure of names yet just using it as a mini J) comes into this world we are going to have a serious talk. One that I was not ready to have with him until he was older.

He can't run around showing off his goods to everyone. Some modesty is really good, and all the little girls in our neighborhood would really appreciate it if he could keep it in his pants. Yes, Baby J, your dad LOVED peeing outside. Everyday when he got home from school he wouldn't run inside to pee, he'd run to his favorite spot outside (he ONLY did this as a young boy). I know there is some really cool boy/testosterone thing where you feel the urge to grab, scratch, show off your privates, but I thought we could discuss this when you actually understood what mom was saying not before you are even born.

When the ultrasound tech gets that wand near mommy's belly, you don't have to shove your behind right up to that spot. The first thing mom sees does not have to be your manhood. I know your daddy is really proud of you and your parts, but you grandmothers weren't all that impressed that you seemed to keep putting your manparts in front and center of the ultrasound screen. We really wanted to see all of you but had to get creative in our endeavours to work around your wide open legs!!!!

Eventually after Baby J settled down a little bit (man he was really active and moving), we were able to see his profile again. I know I am biased but he is just the cutest!!! We saw his feet which were crossed. We watched him stretch and get all comfy. His right hand was holding his right leg for a while, and we all had a really good laugh when J looked down and his right hand was holding his leg! Baby J is going to be just like Daddy J!!!!

We saw his spine and the shadows of his ribs (that's what the tech said). She was also able to get him to where we could see his bladder, kidneys, and stomach. Both of his stomach and bladder were full! I had to explain to J that he is learning how to swallow and he is swallowing amniotic fluid and also excreting it as well. J was mortified that his son was swimming in his own pee, but I had to simplify things and divert his attention from pee swimming to Baby J practicing things that were getting him ready for life.

We had measurements done of his head, stomach, and femur bone. His head and stomach were measuring with a due date of 4/7/2010 while that leg bone is still measuring at 4/3/2010. I don't know the measurements, but they correlate the size to a due date. So all is good with his size (remember dad and mom are tall)! Dr. P still has the due date on 4/10/2010, but Baby J may be a little early (like a week or so)! No complaints here.

Some not so good news for me, I have gained 13lbs so far with this pregnancy. Dr. P is happy with it and says I am right on track. I have a belly now that has popped out in the last week, but I can still put my old pre-pregnancy jeans on just not button them. Everyone tells me that from the back and even looking straight on I do not look pregnant at all. Maybe I will just be one of those people who gain more weight at the beginning (that is how my MIL was). I was just shocked looking at the scale yesterday, but in all actuality I just want a healthy baby and if I have to gain 40lbs, I will do it! Oh well, I will take anything if I don't feel sick anymore!!!!

At the meeting with Dr. P, I asked about the H1.N1 shot. When I was first pregnant, he did not recommend the shot. Since then a pregnant woman has died in the hospital he is affiliated with. So they (I am sure the hospital legal team is behind it) are encouraging pregnant women to get the shot that is preservative free. I asked him yesterday what he still felt about it, and he isn't 100% sure about the shot. He would not get it if he was a pregnant woman. I still have a little while to decide if I should take it. We don't have the preservative free shot here yet. Initially I was going to get the flu shot, but I have decided against it. I have never had the flu (KNOCK ON WOOD) and if I do get the H1.N1 I don't feel comfortable getting two shots.

I feel so blessed that Baby J is healthy and growing like a little weed!

Coming up soon....

The anxiety associated with BRU and picking out baby items...

Pitter-Patter

It is wonderful.

The feeling of the pitter-patter of little feet and hands in my belly. His movements have become more and more pronounced and more consistent over the last few days. I don't know whether he is practicing his dance moves or soccer moves, but it has been fun trying to figure out what he is doing. J will wake up in the morning and put his hand on my belly to see if he can feel these little movements. We have had success a few times, and J's face just lights up with the biggest smile you could ever imagine. One of the most amazing experiences we have ever shared (along with seeing his heart beat, finding out it was a little boy, and I am sure there will be a few more before the little one gets here)

It is a feeling I never thought I would feel, and knowing that he is REALLY in there has brought tears to my eyes on multiple occasions

Tomorrow is our next appointment. We are going in for our little boy's scan of his organs. My mom, MIL, and J are all coming. Full house, yes! But they just melt at the pictures of the ultrasound, I know they are going to just fall more in love with him seeing him move and wiggle!! I guess I will drink some orange juice before I leave to go to the appointment just so he is awake!!

I will update y'all tomorrow with (hopefully) all the good news.

The Wonderful and Not-So-Wonderful

** WARNING: I am writing about the good and the not-so-good, aka reality, of being pregnant. If you don't want to read, I UNDERSTAND! I am just sharing pieces of our journey, good, bad, and ugly**

17 weeks and 4 days

Every morning at about 5:00 or 6:00am our little boy is practicing his athletic moves. It doesn't wake me up, but if I am awake (J is snoring or I have to pee!) I can feel him. Everyone says its like gas bubbles or butterflies, and I guess the gas bubbles is the closest description. But I would say mine more feels like my digestive tract is upset. Gurgling and unhappy. You know that feeling if you have eaten something that has upset your tummy. Right before you may have to run to the bathroom...

That's what it feels like! I guess people say use "gas bubbles" because it sounds WAY better than, "The feeling you have right before you have the runs!!!"

I don't feel him everytime I sit down or slow down, but it has become more and more consistent. It is the most amazing feeling I have ever had. I'm sure when he is bigger and practicing his soccer skills on my rib cage I won't be singing how amazing it is, but right now, it is just wonderful!

I am staring the good feeling phase. I am having more energy than I have in the past 4 months - YAY!!! I wouldn't say it's the best I have felt in my whole life, but it is WAY better than I was a few weeks ago!!! It is all becoming real. We have started looking for nursery furniture and I think J and I are on the same page.

I am also sleeping A LITTLE better. There are still some nights where I still sleep very little, but there are some nights where I am able to sleep for about 4-5 hours at a time (sounds like I am getting ready for baby to be here). I still find myself waking up laying on my back, but I am trying to at least have a small pillow underneath my left side so I am not directly on my back. I will ask the doctor when I see him next week, but I don't know what else to do. I have had a body pillow for about 4 weeks now. Sometimes I try to put it between my legs and support my little but definitely growing stomach. Sometimes I put it behind me to support my back and try to prevent me from rolling on my back. My personal feelings/thoughts on it, is that if I am causing pressure on my artery to where it would be unhealthy for me, my body will wake me up. That is maybe why I wake up on my back. I just roll over and try to fall asleep on my side.

So, I now laugh hearing stories from women about how pregnancy was the best they have ever felt. I WISH I FELT THAT GOOD!!!!

About a week ago I stepped out of the shower and noticed how funny my BBs looked. First of all they were HUGE. I mean, they had swollen to a point (in a day) that if I wasn't looking at myself I would have thought it was someone else's BBs (maybe an adult entertainer?!?!?!) They were also really hard in some areas. THEY HURT!!! I guess my baby book was right. I am starting to produce milk. I had been wearing a sports bra that I slept in and then was doing work around the house that morning before I took it off for my shower. I don't know if wearing it clogged my ducts or what, but I was examing them and noticed the ugly purple lines on the underside of them. WHAT?!?!?! I didn't have stretch marks yesterday, but now I do. I have these glorious hard and sore BBs that (at least the underside) looks like a roadmap. Awesome. I was 15 1/2 - 16 weeks along. Not ever half way. How big are my girls going to get. I am going to get ANOTHER new bra tomorrow, but I think I am now at least an E - y'all I am not a big-boned girl. I HAVE TO WEAR MATERNITY CLOTHES BECAUSE OF MY BBs. I could wear normal shirts IF I had normal size BBs. My back hurts because of this new found weight on the front of me. I have gained at least 5 lbs in my chest!!! I have massaged the hardness out of them which has helped! I am now using an organic lotion like 4 times a day to help prevent more on purple lines on the BBs and maybe keep the ones on my stomach to a minimum (please)! I have also started a yoga class to help with my posture and hopefully keep some of the back pain (that is due to the BBs)!

HUNGER/CRAVINGS - I have been trying, since I have felt better, to curb my cravings and hunger with healthy foods. Stuff like hummus and carrots/pita chips, fruit, cheese and crackers, etc. But do you want to know what I WANT. I pass by Wendy's and literally have to FIGHT the urge to stop. I am not a big fan of fast food but the thought of french fries makes me happy! I also want to eat all the time, but I remind myself that 300 calories extra is really not a whole lot! I also have to plan if I will be out of the house for more than 3 hours, what I will eat. If not, I will end up at Wendy's and weighing 60 lbs more once this is all said and done!!!! I guess this is not all that bad but at times it is really inconvenient. If we want to go out to eat with friends, we have to do it early enough OR I have to eat before we go then try to eat a small meal for dinner. Then I am hungry AGAIN an hour later. It's crazy. My mind is saying "there is no way you are hungry" but my stomach is saying "FEED ME"!!!! Constant battle.

On the same lines of eating. I need to talk about eating too much but it really isn't too much. I eat a normal amount of food, but then all of a sudden it's TOO MUCH. I feel like food is still sitting in my esophagus. I can't sit down because it smushes all my digestive tract along with the food. Talk about uncomfortable. So I have to stand up to help move the food along. It isn't heartburn YET but I am sure that's next. Reading that pregnancy book again, pregnancy slows my digestive tract down so baby can get all those nutrients. So my old normal has changed. Maybe that is why I am always hungry. I am not able to eat as much as I used to...hmmm....

I am not even going to go into the detail, you can thank me now, but lordy, sex is awkward and really not all that fun. Not that this surprises me but I guess I thought that once we stopped having sex to have a baby, that we would be able to spice everything up. HAHAHAHA!!!!! I was so naive. Let me tell you, all day sickness really is no fun and it really doesn't spice up anything but your relationship with your bed/couch and your bathroom and toilet. Now we have issues with just the logistics of working with sore and the monstrosity that is now my BBs and my new belly that just seems to get in the way of everything. Also, after we do the deed, I cramp for a few days after. I dunno, it isn't the most enjoyable thing.

I don't want you to walk away thinking that I am grateful pregnant biotch. I promise I am not. I am in love with all of this uncomfortable and craziness. Really I am. I love all the new square footage in my new BBs, and the constant battles with food and hunger. It is a constant reminder of the life that I am supporting. Everyday I am reminded of my previous struggles and issues. Everytime I rub my belly I count my blessings and think back on all the days and nights I spent crying and fearful that I would NEVER be where I am at. I AM SO THANKFUL.

Movement and Guilt

I wanted to blog a quick update on some going ons!

At a 2nd birthday party (a few weekends ago) for a friends' daughter, I was sitting on the couch and there it was an itch in my lower abdomen. I went to scratch it and realized it was coming from the inside. Our little guy is movin' and shakin'!!!!!

I've had little feelings before, but didn't think it could be that early. I just have that feeling that it is our baby wiggling inside me! Ever since then when I am laying still at night or in the morning, I can feel him. Last night J asked if he would be able to feel him soon. He had the most excited, little boy on the morning of Christmas look on his face. He can't wait to feel more and for "it to be more REAL for him"! All he can see are the physical changes happening with me and can't wait to have some thing tangible!

Some more GREAT news! At about 16 weeks (last Friday) I realized that my all-day sickness was waning. Not that it was all gone or that I did not have days where I still felt bad, but I was at least feeling better. At first I would only start feeling sick when I wouldn't eat every 2 hours, but now I can have a more "normal" eating schedule - YAY!!!!!

Now at 16 weeks and 3 days, I am feeling pretty good! The sickness felt like it would NEVER end (especially after about 10 weeks of feeling pretty bad) so now I hope that I can really start to get things done - YAY!!!! Like planning a nursery and getting baby furniture and realizing the REALNESS of having a baby. Anxiety and all!!

Speaking of anxiety, J and I have visited 2 of the 3 schools that we are interested in. Remember that I wrote about this in the last post. We have our last school tour scheduled for Monday morning. We need to make a decision so we can join a parish, start with baptismal classes, and get in line to get our little hell-raiser (if he is anything like J) into a school!!!!!

This is no longer keeping me up at night (YAY) but the pregnancy in general is keeping me up! Before I was pregnant I always fell asleep on my left side. I couldn't fall asleep any other way!!! So when the doctor's nurse told me that I need to try to sleep on my left side, I was stoked - shouldn't be hard, right? Except I can't fall asleep now on the left side, now only on my back. Really, my back now? Oh well, at least I am finding some way of sleeping!

In other news, I am starting yoga classes tomorrow. After calling all over town, I found a place and spoke to a lady that I just felt so comfortable with. She does teach a prenatal yoga class as a series, but only offers it a few times a year and finds that people don't show up as much during the holidays. She teaches a Gentle Yoga class twice a week and will help me specifically with poses and moves that are best for pregnancy. I am starting back up on my walking, but I really need to strengthen my core. During my 2 1/2 month sickness, I was unable to do anything so I need to rebuild my strength and stamina to get ready for the third trimester and eventually labor!!

I just want everyone to know that I have been reading your blogs, but unfortunately, I have been a terrible commenter. I am reading so many stories of the struggles of IF and getting pregnant. I now feel guilty. Guilty to leave my thoughts and advice because even though some of the struggles are fresh in my mind, I feel as though I am struggling to relate. I have moments where I feel guilty that we are now a success story and now pregnant, and I read other couples struggles that are longer and who have been through so much. I want so much for each person to have their healthy pregnancy and baby. Please know that I think about each and everyone of you (probably more than I should) and praying for you and your journey.

100th Post Topped Off With A Freak Out

YAY for my 100th post! It's taken me forever to get here since I have fallen off the blogging earth a few times since starting this journey.

I can't imagine going through this whole terrible process without all you wonderful readers and fellow bloggers!!! I would have lost my sanity a long, long time ago without my "therapy." If I could give each and everyone of you a HUGE HUG, I would!!!

So onto the reason for the post. I have been waking up every early morning (5:30am) for my nightly pee, and have NOT been able to go back to bed. My mind starts RACING. I start thinking about everything I need to do to get ready for our little boy - and I still have 25 more weeks to go. It's not the material things, though I am sure that freak out will happen soon enough! I am actually worrying about things we will need to do after giving birth!!

I lay awake thinking about what school we will send our children to (I know crazy). See it's not something we have to deal with in 4 years, it's a decision we have to make now. Where we live the public schools are a big mess. It really isn't an option for us. J and I are both Catholic and went to Catholic schools our whole life so we will be sending our children to Catholic schools. Where I grew up, there were no options in which Catholic schools you went to. There were districts and depending on where you live is what school you went to. Easy, yes.

Unfortunately, the city we live in now there are only 3 really competitive elementary schools (one of which J graduated from) that enrollment is NOT determined by where you live. So you can go to anyone of them BUT there are certain "requirements" in the admission process that give you a leg-up. One of the "requirements" is how long you have been a parishioner/member of the church (and therefore how much you "give" to the church). We need to be members as soon as possible, so we can get into our school of choice.

So not only do we need to find a church we love, but also a place we think is the best for our future children to get a good education -- WOW TALK ABOUT STRESS!!!!

So I have set up two appointments with two schools, one is a new school in our area and the other is the one J is an alumni of (another leg-up)!! One for next week and the other the week after. We need to make this decision and not let outside factors influence us (J's family or my in-town family who all go to that 3rd school I mentioned).

Hopefully now that we have some appointments scheduled I can fall back asleep, but I am sure there is something else that will now keep me awake. Worrying has started and won't stop!


I had a few questions regarding my previous post so I thought I would address them. The ultrasound showed that there was nothing wrong with the baby or my fluid levels. The doctor just thinks that the discharge was the amount of physical activity that I did the days leading up. Coming from barely moving because of my all-day sickness to having a really active weekend even for me pre-pregnancy. I also went on the April 2010 Baby.Center board and there has been a few posts regarding diminishing baby bumps so that seems to be on the "normal" side!

Adjustments

As the title subtly hints to, J and I have been experiencing some pretty big adjustments over the last week. I know you are thinking, "Well of course you are, you are pregnant!"

Some of these have been adjustments we knew were coming and others we were surprised at how soon they have arrived.

I want to start out by letting y'all know that I had to call my doctor after a freak-out on my end. After an extremely busy weekend which had me walking A LOT and in high heels, I had a significant change in my discharge. I have been having, at least by what I have read, normal pregnancy discharge, but Sunday morning I woke up to wet panties. Talk about freak me out. There was no blood but the consistency was like water. That happened ALL morning and showed signs of letting up late afternoon. I know that knowing too much is a bad thing, but I immediately assumed the worst and thought I was leaking amniotic fluid. Since it let up though, I decided to have a wait-and-see approach. Well Monday was the same way. It is terrible to have the wet panties feeling. I call the nurse and I tell her. She thinks that it was due to all of my activity that weekend. That my body heat will increase; therefore, changing the consistency of my discharge. Well fine, I wasn't completely satisfied, but they do know a whole lot more than I do!!!

Oh then I had to ask her about Swine Flu symptoms. Why you ask? Because we get a call Saturday morning saying that someone I had hung out with on Friday at a wedding was diagnosed SATURDAY morning with the Swine Flu. WTF?!?!?! Seriously, I have done as much as I can with sanitary hand wipes, washing my hands, staying out of the general public as much as possible, etc. So frustrating, so now J thinks he has the flu (does anyone else have a hypochondriac of a husband) he heard the symptoms and now he has like 3 of them!!! I so hope he is not sick.

Well Monday afternoon I took a nap, when I woke up, I hopped into the shower. I noticed at this time that the little baby bump that was starting to develop right above my ectopic pregnancy scar was GONE. Just to prove to myself that I hadn't lost my mind, I put on pre-pregnancy jeans, zipped and buttoned them. Yes, I have NOT BEEN ABLE TO DO THIS IN THE PAST FEW WEEKS. I freaked. I called J in a ball of hysterics and wouldn't you know it, he doesn't have his phone on him. I obsessively call 7 times before he picks up. I am now sobbing hysterically, and he heads straight home. I call the nurse back and leave a message for her. I start with all the crazy thoughts - If it were amniotic fluid would my baby bump be gone??

Well wouldn't you know it, I get no call that night. I was not happy AT ALL, but I called first thing in the morning. I ask to come in because I was not handling this well. They set an appointment for 2:15pm.

After the most excruciating wait, we get to our appointment and we are taken straight back to the ultrasound room. The ultrasound tech was GREAT! I told her that I was concerned about the fluid so she knew before what I wanted questions on.

Immediately the baby's bottom pops up!! J swears he saw the goods, but I wasn't so sure. She moved the wand all around and we were able to look at our baby from all angles. It's amazing how much the little one looks like a REAL BABY. It was moving and dancing (will probably be a hand full once it gets here)!!!! We watched the heart beat (150 BPM) and counted all 4 chambers of the heart - YAY!!! Then the tech asked if we wanted to know the sex?

What? I am not prepared to know the sex. I know I mentioned it in the last post, BUT I really thought we wouldn't know anything until the NEXT visit at 18 weeks. I mean I am only at 14 weeks. What if she tells me the wrong sex? I had wanted to write posts leading up to the big announcement about what our predictions were, BUT now she was asking me if I wanted to know right then!!

Well I will start out with what we have been thinking the baby is.

• My MIL did the whole pencil swinging with thread deal, and it told me that I would have a girl, boy, girl, boy. We weren't thinking about having 4 kids (maybe 3), but the pencil has been 100% accurate with everyone she's tested. The pencil does not lie!!! GIRL


• My mom was REALLY sick with me but not sick at all with my brother. Since I have been unbelievably sick - GIRL


• I have had one really vague dream. When I woke up I had a girl feeling - GIRL


• J and I have been referring subconsciously to the baby in conversations as "HE/HIM" - BOY


• When we first found out we were pregnant (like 5 weeks along) both moms had strong Boy vibes - BOY

I'd say all in all we were all thinking frills and lace.

WE WERE.......

WRONG!!!! We are having a BABY BOY!!!!

I looked over at J when she told us and he was tearing up! It had to have been the sweetest moment the two of us have ever shared. It still hasn't hit us! I am having to adjust to thinking a whole new way. No more dresses and bows! Our parents are so excited! My mom went out last night and bought him a ball!! 100% sure it's a boy - the doctor and tech were both amazed that we were able to see it so early. So J has called his friends and told them how well endowed his son is!!

We have also slightly adjusted our due date. It has been moved up to April 10, 2010 (4 days earlier)! Baby is measuring at 15 weeks 4 days (instead of 14 weeks 5 days), but we are reasoning that is because J and I are both tall. He's 6'2" and I am 5'7" and they measured his little femur bone to determine how far along he was!!

Whew, what a visit! Baby Boy is healthy and we are so over-the-moon!!!

One last picture of him hamming it up for the camera!!!

Go Ahead Laugh Your Butts Off

I am going to give a little warning before I continue. IF you want to read on, go on - read, laugh. and thank your lucky stars it didn't happen to you, but if your squeamish just know it's not pretty.

Yesterday just started out bad at 3:50am. I woke up to go to the bathroom, and I couldn't go to back to sleep. Lack of sleep (4 hours) never works well with pregnancy sickness. I had to wake up early as it was because of my prior commitment to volunteer. I am scheduled to go in every 3 weeks, but I have been off due to my uncontrollable nausea. I have to be there at 8:30am. I have found that I do better with my all day nausea if I give myself plenty of time in the morning to eat breakfast. I don't know, rushing through it makes it worse.

So I finally drag my tired butt out of bed at 6:15am and J is so sweet. He gets up with me and helps me get breakfast together. I have a bowl of multi-grain cheerios with a banana cut up in it (just like my mamma used to do) and two pieces of toast (buttered to perfection)!

Immediately when I got up, I felt not good. There are just days when YOU KNOW that it's NOT GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY.

Maybe its the constant gagging for no apparent reason. Maybe its that horrible taste in my mouth that is SCREAMING at me that my tummy is really upset.

So I take my Zofran. It worked this weekend so I hoped I would have the same outcome. Nope, my dear friends it did not. There was no relief. There was no feeling good.

I really start feeling really bad when I got into the garage. We keep our lawn mower in there and the overwhelming smell of gas had me in the corner gagging.

I somehow stop gagging long enough to get to my car (the 7 steps from the home door to my car door took way longer than it should). I pull myself into the car, close the door, and start gagging yet again. I am not talking about a little gag. I am lurching over sounding like I am dry heaving from an all-night college party. First gag, I am good. Second gag, a little something comes up. At this point I know its not good. As I scramble to open the car door, I instinctively cover my mouth.

As I found the handle, I start projectile vomiting. Thankfully at first in my hand. I had just enough time and I guess hand space to get out of the car.

Then I let loose and threw up all over the side of our garage wall and floor. Not just a little, I mean it was everywhere.

What can you do? I walked back in the house. Washed my hands, brushed my teeth, and patted myself on the back for somehow keeping my clothes and interior car clean. I call J and we have a fun laugh at yet another funny vomit story! He is such a wonderful husband. He knew I couldn't clean it up myself without revomitting so he offered to clean it up when he got home!!!!

So there it is folks. At least it wasn't in public or in my car, that would have been awkward and messy. I have a feeling this won't be my last story, so stay tuned.

Every time I have an "experience" I realize how fortunate I am. I am giving all of myself to keep this little munchkin growing inside of me, and would have many more experiences if it means that all is well.

Moving on...

Into the second trimester. Wow, I am 13 weeks tomorrow. Really, I am STILL pinching myself. Is it really happening? I find myself still scared that something will go wrong with our little munchkin. Our last ultrasound was over 2 weeks ago, and I pray that he is still growing strong. I believe that he/she is still sucking a whole bunch of nutrients out of me. Some days I am doing better. The nausea subsides somewhat and I can act like a functioning member of society, but I still have other days where I can't do ANYTHING except get out of bed and move to the couch.

I am still taking Zofran, but I am only taking it when I have to be somewhere. I am still afraid to take too much medicine, so I will suffer through it. Thankfully this medicine allows me to be "normal". I can do things I haven't been able to do since I was 6 1/2 weeks pregnant. Y'all, I have been sick for almost 7 weeks. So I am really looking forward to the 2nd trimester "feel good" that I have read and heard about. Hopefully it will be here sooner rather than later.

Thanks to Zofran, J and I were able to take a trip this weekend. We have been planning it for about 6 months and have been SO looking forward to it. As you may have read previously, we are huge college football fans (especially our team).

If you know what team this is, please do not post it in the comments section. I really don't want someone to google search the school and find me!!!! I can see someone searching my school and maternity clothes. Hmmm...probably not what they would be expecting, huh?

We traveled to Atlanta/Ath.ens GA, for the game this weekend. We left on Friday morning early and drove ALL DAY and made it to Atlanta for dinner. We have friends that live there and are are fans of our opponent! They got us tickets (of course in the middle of G.A. section). We went out to tailgate pretty early (I felt like I was back in college)! I think we got out there at 9am and the game was at 3:30pm. We didn't do as much walking around as much as we would have liked, but when you have been on a self-imposed sick bed rest for 6 1/2 weeks and you are slightly anemic, too much physical activity is hard. My body is working SO HARD to get oxygen to the baby and me that I get out of breath pretty easily. Geo.rgia is a beautiful campus that is really hilly. On our walk to the game we had to go up a pretty steep hill. I was so out of breath but I made it - slowly!!

The game was amazing. Stressful and crazy! I have made the executive decision that I should not attend any game if I were 7 or more months pregnant. The adrenaline is too much, I may go into labor during a game ;) We won in the last minute of the game. In the last five minutes, we scored and went up, and then they scored RIGHT AFTER and went up, then we scored the final touchdown, then intercepted the ball a few plays later!!!!

We walked (it seemed like everything was uphill) downtown to check out Athens ~ way cool bar/downtown area! It was really crowded, but I just love Game Day and the atmosphere around college football.

I felt like crap yesterday. I was so exhausted after the weekend that I couldn't stay up. I slept until noon yesterday- Y'ALL NOON!!!! I haven't slept that late in so long. I also was having what I call "extreme nausea." The terrible, I can't move, I have the worst taste in my mouth, gagging because I am walking, nausea!!!

Today is better! I am still taking it easy. There are just times that your body tells you that you need to rest. Especially when you are pregnant you have to listen to your body.

My next doctor appointment is next Friday. I will be 14 1/2 weeks. I am keeping my fingers crossed that we have a healthy and active baby. Maybe we will get a money shot! That would be a huge surprise!!!!